#2: Where falling short might be just right
Falling short of goals, why resolutions are a hack, and that time I learned my brain fries at 12 PM.
A very happy (belated) happy holidays to you and your loved ones! I can’t believe there are nearly 500 of you subscribed here. THANK YOU for signing up, the messages of encouragement, and the understanding!
In 2022’s signature style, she doled out one last zinger in the form of COVID messing with our Christmas plans. After the year we’ve had, however, one thing is clear: we’re thankful for our health and as we canceled dinner reservations, sorted through logistics for 7 people to get home/quarantine, create testing plans, and bailed on our city staycation, we were able to laugh about how 2022 had to get one final bitchslap in.
But it got me thinking…if there was a theme for us for 2022 outside of “hold onto your butts,” it would be, “falling short is not a failure.” That feels like a huge lesson to learn.
I took a very formal Instagram poll (the most scientific form of data collection, obviously!) and of the 90 people that have responded so far…the answers are interesting. “How do you feel about the upcoming new year?”
I myself fall in the ambivalent bunch - don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the period of time between Navratri and New Year. I love the lights we string up for Diwali and leave up well into January. I’ve probably dragged you to a light display if you’re in my circle. It is impossible for me not to bop my head to Christmas music. Peppermint mochas for everyone!
But 2020-2022 has been tough for everyone and I can’t skip over that. We heard so much about “the new normal” in the last couple of years that the phrase turned into white noise without ever recognizing how heavy it is. People seem to be reluctantly accepting burnout as a veritable reality and carrying the weight with resignation that recovery may never come. I often think a vacation or a few days off will fix the funk, before realizing “the funk” has been at play for well over a year and is likely a permanent state now. That starts panic: how can I be productive when I feel so off-center all the time?
On a bright note, I’ve never noticed as many reminders that it’s okay not to be okay. The reminders, from therapists, mental health advocates, celebrities, and colleagues, is a form of encouraging self-compassion that I don’t think existed pre-2020. I don’t think I’ve ever been so open to giving myself grace.
This is where ambivalence comes with optimism: with the acceptance that “falling short” is no longer a failure comes progress. Maybe we’ve begun to come around. Maybe we’ve finally begun to redefine our relationships with productivity, hustle, success, and more - and even if it’s murky, maybe we’ll find our way after all.
One can hope. And I guess that’s the whole point…to keep hope alive in 2023.
New Year…Same You
If any of you reading this are fervent resolution-makers and more importantly, sticklers in following through, my apologies…I’m not a believer in new year’s resolutions. I’ve never been successful at waking up on January 1st as a new person with a love of working out or rigidly planning my day with maximum productivity.
But I love the idea of reevaluation, assessment, and goal-setting for the upcoming year. My approach consists of a few thinking points and if you’re looking for a place to start, maybe this is a painless one:
Write a mission statement for your life. Not your job. Not your role in an organization. For your life. What is your name? What is your deepest purpose? Who do you want to touch? How do you want to do it? Why? Your mission statement should be applicable in any role or setting. It doesn’t have to be more than 5 sentences. It’s what you aim to bring to the world and what transformation you hope to lead in your circles. It’s what you want people to say about you when you aren’t in the room. It’s the statement you come back to on your worst day about your why.
What are the top 5 values that drive you? What words feed your soul the most? In the last three years, mine remained consistent between passion, community, learning, family, and purpose. Define what those values look like.
What areas of your life do you want to prioritize? (Be specific. “Career”, particularly if you’re a side hustler, might mean three jobs! Break them up.) Create buckets and try not to list more than 5-7. This year, mine are family (goals I have for myself as a member of my family and goals I want to meet like a date night a week with my husband), self-care (something I have to be better about), author career (future books and other projects), podcasting career, and presence (social media, speaking engagements, etc).
Consider SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timebound) goals in each bucket. Center each goal around a value.
For example, if I’m creating a goal for self-care and centering learning…
I will spend 10 minutes before bed 3x a week on Duolingo French lessons until my membership runs out in July.
I also try not to have more than 3-5 goals per bucket. Anything more becomes a daunting task. Using my mission, ideal day framework, priorities, values, and buckets to guide me typically helps pare goals down to the essentials - anything else achieved is gravy.Evaluate whether those goals are still applicable at the end of each quarter - life does change and it’s okay to say, “that goal I set in January is no longer relevant now.” Remaining flexible has helped me ease the guilt if a goal hasn’t been met and remain gentle with myself. For example, I was aiming to finish a manuscript by September. September was also the end of my first trimester, so my October assessment was, “Nope. Not happening,” and I felt comfortable with it.
If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know I asked about my followers’ Word of the Year last week. Meghan Markle mentioned it on the Harry and Meghan docuseries (yes, I binged it hours after release on both days, and yes, I have many thoughts) as a yearly ritual and it reminded me of the friends over the last decade or so who engage in the same practice.
If you could choose one word to drive your goals, relaxation, actions, thoughts, and behaviors over the next year…what would it be?
Mine is “rebirth.” The last year has been full of loud questions and shaky answers, Motherhood is racing toward me. My career changed. I learned that self-care needs to be preventative, not a treatment. But being in a place now to apply those lessons makes me feel like I’ll be coming out on the other side a better version of myself. I’m looking forward to meeting her…and all of you, as you embark on your own!
The Writing Edit
A couple of weeks ago, I had lunch with an actress/screenwriter friend of mine. We decided to meet at 5 AM every weekday on FaceTime with the goal of getting ahead of our day (and kids), writing when the world is quiet, and making progress on our respective projects.
Bright side: mission accomplished!
The lesson I learned while doing it: creative limits and self-awareness.
I wrote last week about the day suddenly being open to creativity rather than jamming it into pockets of free time before or after a day job. I told you all about how it was overwhelming and the possibilities felt endless. All true. The next step was realizing what my habits looked like now that I had the day to work…and how some needed a refresh.
I realized quickly that I will not have 8 hours of pure writing time. Starting at 5 AM did not, actually, give me more words. I wish!
Here are the questions I’d encourage any writer explore answers to because, holy moly, am I learning a lot about my own habits…
What time do I work best? Are you an early riser? A night owl? Are your afternoons creative dead time? Your day may need to be set according to your brain’s sharpest times (I’ve learned to write early and to respond to emails in the afternoon).
How much rest do I need? One of the strangest adjustments to make has been the amount of sleep I need when I write more versus my day job. My day job needed less recovery, perhaps because there was more rote action. When I wake up at 4:40, I will likely need to budget a nap later or sleep by 9/10 PM the night before to adequately rest. Another point: how long can I write before I need a break? After a few days, I noticed I could bust out about 1,000-1,500 words of a clean draft in 2 hours…but more than that became word mush. Recognize your brain is wiring itself differently and needs recovery time to do so.
What is an achievable daily word count? Plot your deadlines around what that looks like. Be honest.
Can I write every day? What does full-time mean to you? I had to learn that if full-time creativity is a job, I have to treat it like one every week day. This means I may spend a few hours on the weekend…or take it off. But M-F, I better show up. This is a commitment, and you have to make it work for you.
Do I need a routine? You may be someone who takes advantage of the high when you have a second to work on a passion project. I never needed a routine before either! But on day 3, I noticed myself filling my water bottle, making myself a hot coffee, lighting a candle, turning on my Forest app, and wrapping the same blanket around my shoulders each day. Doing these things in that order is grounding and helps me prep my mind. Spend 15 minutes centering your craft in your day.
Annika’s Corner
2023 events are already on the calendar! I’m crazy excited for two in particular…
On February 12, I’ll be speaking at Yale University for the South Asian Youth Initiative Conference on a creative careers panel.
On February 25, South Asian-Americans for Change, a group started by a number of Penn State alumni, are throwing a Healing Through Art Gala in Philadelphia. The gala is being thrown in partnership with Vituity Cares and will host an art market, interactive exhibit, mental health panel (that I’ll be on!), and dinner/dance. Tickets are available!
Coming soon: a couple of requests were made for my recent reads. While I already had to hack a creativity section in this letter for the sake of length, I’ll start rolling those out in next week’s letter.
I’ve also been asked about becoming a writer - like a prequel to this newsletter! I’ll be rolling out some content on IG around this, so please stay tuned.
ICYMI: Sugar, Spice, and Can’t Play Nice is available for preorder!
Spread the Love
One thing I love doing with my communities on That Desi Spark or personally is sharing people/brands of influence who make impact on my life. Here are a few this week.
The Riveter: I recently attended Hitha Palepu’s IG growth talk hosted by The Riveter and I was blown away by the value it adds. The Riveter, for those who don’t know, began as co-working spaces for women before pivoting into a broader community aimed at supporting working women alongside those spaces through networking, events, and more. The founder, Amy Nelson, has also had a mindboggling few years with over $1 million being seized by the FBI in a murky lawsuit and her story is worth a read.
Michelle Desouza: If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve likely seen Michelle pop up. She founded SameSkin, which supports women of color-owned businesses…and when I think of genuine connection, intention, and warmth, she is one of the few that come to mind immediately.
Israa Nasir: Israa, a therapist, has been a guest of the podcast twice, and each of her episodes are amongst our most often listened-to. Her content is focused on mental health and boundaries, stress management, attachment styles, anxiety, relationships, and so much more are fair game to find within her expertise. She is one of the most thoughtful mental health practitioners I have ever come across.
I’ve cut a couple of sections because this letter is already so long…but they’re coming! In the meantime, if you find value in what I’ve had to say, please like (hit the heart icon), share, and spread the word about this newsletter so it can reach more people. And if something resonated, feel free to comment, email, or DM me!
I hope you know how much it means to me that you’ve subscribed. These transitions come with an explosion of lessons and it’s amazing to be able to share them with you, particularly if you’re also a creative wondering about the move to full-time. If you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask.
Until next week,
Annika
I love this, week 2 and already my favourite weekly newsletter. Great view on reevaluating goals in Jan
“Write a mission statement for your life“ — ooo I love this! And I love how creative of an opportunity this can be. Great newsletter — excited to read more!